Indian mindset has always been quite rigid towards Indian woman. I have often been vocal about it and I penned my first book, Beyond The Veil-The Journey Of An Indian Girl keeping these rigid norms in mind. Many young girls out there accepted my thoughts and my book with open arms. While doing the promotions of the book I also associated myself with a cause for Menstrual hygiene with the campaign #BleedTheSilence and this year on the world menstrual hygiene day, 28th May, 2018, I have joined a fabulous gang of bloggers who are as vocal as me about menstrual hygiene.
So what’s in store for my readers today? A story. Stories or anecdote/s from my life where menstruation is seen as taboo and the associated naive mindset.
This first story is from the times when I was in school. In standard sixth, I guess. Just like a normal girl, I had heard a Marathi phrase “kavla shivla” from my mother whenever she would get her chums. Kavla in Marathi means a crow. Now, a 13-year-old or so child isn’t aware of what chums really are. This happened on one of the gloomy days which turned out to be fun because we were let out for a P.T lessons along with a free period which we were supposed to spend on the school ground practicing khokho. While we were standing in a single file a girl ahead of me was accidentally touched by a crow and that’s when I told her, “Now you are not supposed to stand here. You are touched by a crow and you need to be aloof from us for the next 5 days. Please inform the teacher and go back home.”
The girl started crying and reported the incident to the teacher. That’s when the teacher called me and asked me to reiterate the event to her. I told her that I had seen a crow hovering around us and that it accidentally touched our friend, so as is the ritual I asked her to go home and sleep like our mothers do and stay away for the next 5 days. Upon gleaning the innocent encounter my teacher laughed out loud. I was clueless. She hugged me and laughed some more. I was still confused. She told me that it is no such thing, that I need to educate myself about this phrase and that “I” should go home and ask my mother what does the phrase mean. Well, that’s what I did and that’s when I understood what chums are. That was my first education about periods. However, I am still clueless what the crow has gotta do with periods!
This second story is about the closed mindset or the rigid societal norms. My neighbours were an educated lot. The parents were government servant, aunty was infact, a school teacher. And her two daughters were teaching in junior colleges with their son still in the degree college. I had understood what periods were. Infact, I had started chumming the following year. And to my relief I wasn’t as scared as other girls my age because I got the education I needed at a right time. Now, when I started understanding this I started feeling sorry for my neighbors because this feeling of chumming was seen more like a crime in their family. Now, that’s what I felt otherwise why would you make your sick daughter stay away from you for a week! Why would you? With three women in the house every week someone was sitting out. Their temple was in the bedroom and the woman who was chumming wasn’t supposed to mingle among the rest of the fam. She was to sit in a corner for the next 5 days. In that week she would do her chores but she wasn’t supposed to cook or touch anybody in the house, not even the TV’s remote control because if she touched anything she would soil it and it would have to be cleansed. If she accidentally touched her family member, that person was defiled and would have to take a bath to cleanse himself. Whoa! Too much no?
Well, I saw this and I asked my mother why would someone behave so rudely to their own child? She laughed. (I don’t understand why people laugh at my questions, still don’t.) She told me, “They aren’t bad. They are just following their rituals.”
“What kinda ritual would insist on keeping your child alone when the child is in pain?”
“That’s how the customs are,” she said.
That’s how the customs are. Topic closed. But really, is that how the customs are?
No!
We, Indians, don’t give enough credit to our ancestors. We consider ourselves crippled by “customs” but let me clear your doubts here. Our ancestors weren’t stupid. And these aren’t customs!
Yes. These aren’t customs.
Our ancestors realized that periods are a painful affair for a woman. They knew what the loss of blood can do to a woman, they knew the sickly feelings we get during that week of the month. They knew how tiresome the household duties are! And that’s why, that’s why they sanctioned a weekly off for menstruating women. Our ancestors did that. Yes. They didn’t allow the women in the kitchen because she was sick and tired. Never once they would have thought that the caring gesture would be later termed as “customs” and we would treat our child in such a lowly manner.
If you have read uptil here then there’s more to this. Just one more story. This is a story about how some gestures become customs. A small one I heard from my spiritual guru.
Once during a dinner of purohits, a pet cat was loitering while the sages had their meal. She wouldn’t let them eat. So the head of the purohits got up and tied the cat. He did so everyday solely because that’s how they could eat in peace. However, in the years that followed the disciples wouldn’t eat a morsel until a cat had been tied to the pillar where their head purohit would tie the cat. That’s how the customs are made. Impractical. Illogical. When we don’t apply logic to behaviors that is when the customs are made.
If you think these stories are worth sharing, pls do share it with your friends and family.
This World Menstrual Hygiene Day (May 28), our endeavor is to break the taboo that engulfs this natural phenomenon that is the basis of very existence of human life on earth. This post is a part of a Blog Train hosted by Anupriya of www.mommytincture.com where 14 wonderful ladies have stepped forward to express themselves this #MenstrualHygieneDay and stress on the fact that there are #NoMoreLimits for a woman. I would like to thank https://cravetocarve.wordpress.com/ for introducing me. Do take a look at her blog post on World Menstrual Day.
And also I would like to take this opportunity to introduce Monica from https://mommavya.wordpress.com a fellow mom blogger with a wonderful content.
But wait there’s more! You stand a chance to win a DEA Corp Menstrual Cup worth Rs. 2500/-. You just have to visit http://www.mommytincture.com/2018/05/27/menstrual-cups-boon-menstrual-hygiene/ and leave a comment about your #NoMoreLimits experience.
It’s sad to see how blindly people follow these old soo called customs.. I really hope there is more awareness about the same and taken a most important topics among everyone
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Haha..good stories! Made me laugh too. It’s so ironical that these orthodox customs are still followed in the most educated families too. I had a good time reading this, Siddhi.
Cheers,
Surbhi
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This story reminds me of my teenager time…still there are people who are so orthodox .in recent time too. God knows when they will changes their mind regarding this
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So many myth and stories regarding periods. People should be aware of it as period is not a disease
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That cat story is the way things have really become customs. It is crazy to think of how young girls are made to do lot of silly things in the name of customs
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All insane people…I feel irritated seriously. And I dont understand the relation between crow and period. If we write more, talk more and discuss more hope one day everything will be sorted out properly.
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Wow, You have summed up the entire matter in three distinct stories. Custos in the ancient times were made with a reason but have lost the essence in the decades and centuries that have followed. We need to look at the logical reason of a particular practice and then chose if we wish to follow it.
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Ha ha that was really fun, the story of crow and its relation with periods. People still are so orthodox about it and have made this beauty of womanhood a sad taboo.
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I am so glad you guys chose this topic which is still not spoken about openly in Indian society.
Loved the way you expressed your views.
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I can relate to each and every thing that you mentioned. Soo many years and i still can’t figure out why is this a taboo
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Amazing and informative post. On World Menstrual Hygiene Day, this is a great initiative for our society. Great thoughts.
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This is such a well – written post ! The society is such ! So orthodox and meaningless ! N not everyone talks about periods so openly .. thanks for sharing this 🙂
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We are living in 21 century and yet menstruation is considered as a Taboo. I hope the scenario will improve soon
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I love how you shared these anecdotes with the ancestral views. Even today there are women who goes through all this and more under the name ‘customs’..And that crow story is super..
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Thank you. These are real stories from my life. And I always reiterate them when I see how naive people can be under the guise of customs
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Hahaha.. i love the story about the crow.. such old wives tales!.. well written post.
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Blindly following the so called customs is not for me too.
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First of all hats off to the entire team including you who has decided to tane up the topic of menstrual hygeine. Yesterday i came to know that still 80% of the woman population dont have access to sanitary napkins. This is a striking picture. I wish we could start something from the grass root levels.
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Yes the custom was to let a woman rest and not work in the kitchen which the. Became exclusion. Other silly things added on like not going to temples or being not allowed to touch anything and has no basis to the original
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I feel sorry for those girls in your neighborhood. But, I have myself seen such rituals amongst my friends. We need to do lot more to break these myths.
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Love reading short stories how a simple gesture turned into custom. Whoever made it custom even don’t know what is the logic behind it.
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We all have such stories in our past… Though these taboos are dangerous for the society
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I absolutely agree with the very story you narrated.. that’s exactly what I tell my folks always.. even after being educated we ourselves carry on with stupidities in the name of religion and customs.
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