Never have I ever seen myself from someone else’s perspective. That thought never crossed my mind. But recently something happened and it brought back a deluge of memories. Was I really like this? I pondered. And then I realized, yes l was.

I have always been this free spirited woman (Woman not girl, there’s a lot of difference between the two words.) I have chased what’s been on my mind. And when I have put to paper that I am gonna win, I have seen myself winning, no matter what the circumstances. So when I entered mass media I was warned against it. My entire family, even extended family was against my decision. And my father kept telling me that I might just waste money because his friend, a well-known cricketer regrets letting his daughter take up mass media. “She left it mid way, you might too,” Baba kept warning me. I wasn’t going to be discouraged I knew it in my heart. That zeal to conquer what I had set out to do was always at the back of my mind.

Now that I look back I regret having spent too much time researching, writing thesis, being that bookworm huddled in the library and never looking around me. Not even at hot men! 😅 I remember once my friend nudged me and showed me who the hottest boy on the campus was. (He still is super hot. RJ with a leading radio channel.) I looked up at him playing basketball at the court and looked back at her and all I said was, “Yeah, he is hot,” very nonchalantly.

So, I recently happen to talk about college life with a classmate. He was all about the regrets bit and even I had my share of stories. Coming from a Marathi household where English isn’t our first language, I was always seen as a vernac amongst the English speaking Missionary college students. People laughed to my face. And that hurt. But what my friend told me during that chat changed the way I look at myself.

He mentioned how fiery and powerful I had always been. “You had this power people were afraid of. I mean you could rule in terms of academics. People knew you never cared about them. Plus you were very gutsy. Remember that project with K and N. You had implants. I’ll never forget that. My respect for you grew a million times more. I still remember that presentation after all these years.”

I remember that project. It was a short film we had to make in our SY. The topic we chose was addiction and I played the character of a girl who is ugly. This girl gets addicted to cosmetics and surgeries. I still remember that scene. It was shot at her friend’s house where her aunt plays the doctor and places silicone bra in front of my character. It was so impromptu. The camera was rolling. We were to dub our parts later. We were gesturing and I was nodding and without a minute’s thought I picked up the bras and placed it on myself. Post the presentation I remember a friend (now an established choreographer in Bollywood) walk up to me and applaud my guts. But I had become so used to the banters that I presumed he was kidding. Years later I realize he wasn’t and people actually spoke about that scene.

I don’t know if I still have the short film’s copy with me. But with this chat the snippets of college memories do seem pleasant. Moreover, what appealed to me more was seeing myself from someone else’s perspective. Now, I know I don’t look all that bad. 😁

Ps: I will forever be grateful to this friend for having shared this bit with me.

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